Hopefully it won’t be too much of a headache getting acclimated to all of this, but if it means that I may finally start getting paid for blogging, well, it’s not a tough decision.  Plus MVN is one of the largest, most comprehensive, and awesomest networks that exist in the blogosphere, so I’m certainly excited to be a part of that.

The DSR will be joining The Wayne Fontes Experience, and together will aim to pretty much cover every angle of the Lions.  And the DSR will be joining Behind the Name, and Pistons Palace, to hopefully advance the level of bloggerage present on MVN’s Pistons’ network.

Just some housekeeping for the upcoming switcheroo:

The new address will be: (TBD)

See you all at the same blog, new address as of Thursday, February 11, 2009.

Said more explicitly, the theory states that the Lions (by “the Lions”, I mean William Clay Ford Sr.) were making money regardless of performance, and since raising the level of performance would cost additional money (what with paying more talented employees, etc.) and thereby decrease profit-margin, they decided not to.

It’s a hell of an allegation — that the leaders of a professional sports team, by which millions of people lived and died on a weekly basis, not only didn’t care about their constituency, but egocentrically decided to hurt them in order to more thoroughly pad their wallets.  No exaggeration there.  A bit blunt, but so what?

There is absolutely no denying the fact that sports is a business, so I won’t try to.  And until recently it was difficult for me to imagine the Lions being run by a sociopath.

But that was before last week, when I spoke with the Sports Information Director for a large corporation in Michigan — I won’t say which one to maintain his confidentiality.  In many, many more words (the guy was a talker) he all but confirmed this theory, thereby condemning WCF Sr. to the deepest pits of H-E-double-hockeysticks.

When some random guy like me suggests that the head of the Lions and Ford Motor Co. is out to swindle the city of Detroit, people go “okay buddy, lay off the meds.”  But when an S.I.D., someone whose business it is to know that type of thing, says it, then it’s time to take a second look.

Detroit’s fan-base has long been regarded as among the most rabid in the nation, and at this point may even rate as one of the strengths of the city, for better or worse.  Because of the unwavering and inexplicable feeling of hope shared by Lions Nation regardless of their team’s W/L record (I’m not throwing stones here, I’m one too), and the unconditional support that results from it, the Lions can count on X amount of revenue from ticket sales per game.

That number, plus revenue from consumables like hot dogs and beer, and revenue from memorabilia all go into a calculation which figures a team’s “Efficiency Rating,” according to the S.I.D.

The Lions’ revenue from ticket sales/consumables has always been high enough to not only pay employees but also outweigh the lack of revenue from memorabilia (because how often do you see Lions’ jerseys, honestly?  People don’t go around advertising the type of dimwitted support it takes to be a Lions fan), all while turning a more-than-decent profit.

Add to that the fact that television revenue in the NFL gets split evenly between all 32 teams, and you’ve got a crappy team with a relatively high Efficiency Rating.

So if the Lions’ Efficiency Rating is closer to 1 while they’re losing than it theoretically would be if they were winning, why would they pay more for the better players it would take to win?

They wouldn’t.

It’s a scary thought.  Made even more so by the fact that it makes such logical sense.

Accepting the fact that it’s a business, and that it’s all about the Benjamins, the positive spin on all this is that we, the fans, are the ones really in control.  This whole money-making machine that is the Detroit Lions will come crashing down if the fans stop buying tickets.

At least according to the theory, which you may now consider unofficially endorsed by an S.I.D. of a major corporation in Michigan.

So as hard as it is to admit, in hindsight it appears likely that, no matter how annoying it was to have to listen to it, all of you that campaigned for a statewide boycott of the Lions may have been right after all.

We should find out soon enough; according to Forbes the Lions lost $3.1 million in 2007, their second consecutive season in the red, and that was while fans were still attending games.  Now that fans have left foot-indentations in the exits on their way out of Ford Field during the Lions imperfect “Owen” season, not to mention one, two, three, four, five blacked-out games, William Clay Ford Sr. has got to be feeling the financial strain.

You can only ignore your baby doing drugs for so long before you have to step in.

On the other hand, if there’s one thing Mr. Ford’s got plenty of it’s money, given the rate at which Ford automobiles are flying off the shelves.

And finally, it’s also possible that Ford is simply a harmless, bumbling old buffoon, and really has tried his best to do right by the Lions.

I can’t decide which is worse – much less which is more likely to be true.

So let’s put it to the blogosphere.  In your opinion, what was 0-16 – Malice, Greed, Ineptitude or Apathy?

I still have my job, unlike many in Michigan (including, I’ve recently heard, Mulitalo and Campbell to join Furrey and Bodden, et al.).  I’ve got an emotionally stable girlfriend, a dog, a cat and a blog.  So why have I been waiting for the other foot to drop?

Well I figured it out: Detroit sucks.  Rather, the Lions suck.

And since misery loves company, I figured I’d share with you what’s been giving me a week-long case of the Mondays.

Even months after they lose their final game in 2009, the Lions are still getting the bejeezus bashed out of them by everybody and their blog-having mother.

For us true Lions fans, it hurts right here [points at heart].

A warning: if you consider yourself one of us, reading the week’s worth (1/24/09 – 2/7/09) of recent Lions headlines below may give you the sniffles, never mind clicking on the links:

Sporting News War Room: Not one Lions’ free agent ranks among top 99 in NFL
Leigh Bodden headed out; the Lions are to blame
Note to Lions: Steelers had vision, philosophy
Warning! Matt Millen’s on…
Lions the only franchise to have missed out on the Super Bowl every year
First task for Lions is new logo
Lions will host Turkey Day game again in ’09, but blackout policy will remain the same
Does anybody have anything good to say about Matt (Millen) and what he did?
Lions playoff yarn impossible to believe
Lions are worst among never-been-super teams
Cut by the Lions, Pittsburgh’s Sean McHugh is getting the sweetest revenge
Ex-Lion Fernando Bryant isn’t quite sure who ran the show in Detroit
Forbes: Lions lose money as well as games

God that’s depressing.

Well, at least whenever you’re bummed about the Lions, you can cheer up by watching the Pistons.

Oh, wait.

Well, you could always move…

(AUTHOR’S EDIT: This post would more accurately be entitled “Two weeks of misery”, but my calendar math sucks.  Always has.  Feel free to berate me in the comments.)

To trade, or not to trade? That is the question.

I was ignoring this rumor because I thought it seemed ridiculous, but I can’t turn a blind eye any longer.

From Pistons’ insider A. Sherrod Blakely:

Rasheed Wallace says he doesn’t want to be traded. But he’s a 13-year veteran. He’s in the final year of his contract. And the Pistons (26-21) aren’t winning as much as they’re accustomed to in past years.

He understands all those factors may result in him being traded prior to the Feb. 19 deadline.

“If I get traded, I get traded,” Wallace said prior to the Pistons’ shoot-around this morning. “If it happens, can’t cry over spilled milk. I just know wherever I go, wherever I get traded to, you gotta go and ball.”

This is not the first time we’ve heard this, and I still think it has about as much chance of happening as Michael Curry winning Coach of the Year, but it’s hard to keep ignoring it when the insider, the guy who’s supposed to know these things, jumps on board.

Sheed is a talented player in the twilight of his career in the NBA.  He can stretch defenses, sometimes usually at the cost of his more-valuable presence inside, and can prove a matchup problem for the opposition.  He is also a pain in the ass in more ways than one.  His technicals, his inconsistent effort, and the fact that he is the undisputed ringleader in any dissent and discontent in the Pistons’ locker room combine to make him quite a bit of trouble.  And the mere fact that it is warranted to ask if he is, still, worth the trouble, indicates that his talent has faded dramatically.

All that sounds like the Pistons would be wise to ship him somewhere else.  But, frankly, at this point it no longer matters whether he contributes to his team at all.  Ditto Allen Iverson.  Both Sheed and AI are in the last year of their contracts, and Joe D values that upcoming monetary flexibility more than he values winning this year.  Because of this, unless they’re moved for players in their last year of an equally ginormous contract, the Pistons’ two biggest headaches are as untouchable as a player like Rodney Stuckey, albeit for different reasons.

You can only go so far down a road before, at a pivotal point in time, you must give up your option to turn back.  That point comes on the Feb 19 deadline for Detroit, if not sooner.  Logically, based on the decisions they’ve made in the past and the needs of the team, the Pistons have no choice but to stand pat, sacrificing today for tomorrow.

But then, nobody could have predicted the Billups/Iverson trade.  If there’s anyone in the world that would defy logic and convention on a hunch, it’s Dumars.

(Apparently it’s everybody’s fault in Detroit.  Everyone is bummed out in one way or another, except for Allen Iverson, who is continuing his rebellious ways by remaining cheerful while everyone else is pissed off.  Whataguy.  The trading deadline is still more than a week away, and I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone’s neck is on the chopping block.  Knowing Joe D’s record, I would say it’s more likely that something happens than it is that the Pistons remain pat.  The question then becomes, who’s next?  I’ll address that later.)

As for tonight’s game, according to DSR reader FWIW, NBA scoring leader Duane Wade is going to rip the Pistons up.

The difficulty is that Detroit doesn’t have a game plan for a player who likes to dominate the ball. Nothing much is going to come out of this season, they’re just trying to make it look half-way respectable and apparently there still needs to be some more tinkering. Hopeless but true.

The Pistons have a surplus of problems, but I’m not convinced that defending a ball-hog is among the top-5.  To wit, we’ve got Arron “Diaper Rash” Afflalo, who is capable of shutting down the NBA’s elite guards when he’s playing well.  And Stuckey is even better defending on the ball, according to Michael Curry.  As long as Detroit can prevent Wade’s being matched up against Iverson, they should be able to prevent him from going completely ballistic.

But I’ve been wrong before.  And I’ve got another thing working against me: I’m betting in favor of the Pistons’ success – a risky proposition lately.

In light of recent events, I’ve decided to take the “winning isn’t everything” approach to the game, and will instead be enjoying watching Wade face off against Stuckey, since one is a virtual carbon copy of the other.  Uncanny resemblance in playing styles there, perhaps due to Stuckey patterning his game after his “favorite player” D-Wade.  Rodney won’t admit to it, of course.

Here’s a random thought that’s been ruminating for a while: Would it be completely stupid to draft/trade for a distributing PG either before this year’s deadline or in 2009 – a cheap one who wouldn’t disrupt Detroit’s positioning for the amorphously awesome FA class of 2010 – to enable Stuckey to play the 1-slash-2 guard a la Duane Wade?  We might have to move Hamilton in the process, but if Stuckey continues his radical progression that wouldn’t be a huge loss.  We might even get a quality big in the process.

I can see it working despite myself.

I’m not entirely certain what it says, but you may be assured that it says something.

As for the good news in question, the offending article essentially rehashes the same plausible-therefore-probable story we’ve all heard about Chris Bosh – that he’s upset from having to live in Canada (go figure), as well as many equally-true-but-less-apparent reasons, and wants out at the end of his contract.

Provided they don’t prematurely blow their fiscal wad after this season on Boozer or Okur, the impending departures of AI & Sheed (count on it, by the way.  Both of them.  Speaking of which, I wonder what happens to this site once Sheed is no longer a Piston?), and more specifically the glut of cap-space accompanying said departures, position them well to land Bosh when his contract expires in 2010.

But they will not be the only ones vying for a shot at landing the superstar, nor will they be the only team with the resources to do so.

So it’s a good thing that the Pistons stiffed Bosh early in his career, thereby giving him a great supplementary reason to sign with Detroit: the unquenchable (or at least very-difficult-to-quench) attraction of a rejected suitor.

From Pistons’ insider A. Sherrod Blakely:

While many remember Detroit as having interest in Bosh leading up to the 2003 draft, the Pistons didn’t even bother to ask him to come in for a workout.

It was Bosh and his people who requested a chance to, maybe just maybe, change the Pistons’ focus from drafting Darko Milicic.

“I was at the point, let me see if I can move up,” Bosh said. “We play the same position; just make them think about it to show people I’m serious.”

When Joe Dumars drafted the psychopathic Darko Milicic over Bosh, especially after Bosh had done all that campaigning to get into Detroit, Bosh felt as I did when the-popular-girl-who-shall-remain-nameless stomped on my heart in ninth grade, spurning my affections for those of a creepy senior with a convertible.

(I’m so over it now, by the way.  But, I mean, it’s not like I would blame Chris Bosh if he was still upset or anything.  Not everyone is as emotionally tough as I am.)

So don’t be surprised when Bosh decides against resigning with Toronto, instead choosing to satisfy an oblique and semi-masochistic need to play his home games at the Palace.

Of course he’ll tell himself it’s because of the situation – the personnel, the city and the opportunity he has to win in Detroit.  Blah blah blah.

We’ll know the real reason.

Like this guy says, only opposite.

At once the most tragic, the most ironic and the most hopeful synopsis of the 2009 Detroit Pistons that I have read, Freep columnist Drew Sharp details Detroit’s shortcomings as a team, and the reason behind them, in his latest column:

These Pistons simply aren’t good enough, and it’s time to accept that truth. There are no moves to be made that could alter the fading illusion of the Pistons as championship contenders.

The Pistons aren’t returning to the Eastern Conference finals for a seventh straight year. They’d be lucky to escape the first round considering the best seeding they can hope for is a No. 4.

Their decline isn’t because of a trade they shouldn’t have made or a head coach they shouldn’t have hired.

They’re declining because it’s their time. Why is that so hard to accept?

It’s tragic because it’s bleak — devoid of hope, at least in the short term.  Of the millions of articles around the internet, none addresses the State of the Pistons in a manner quite as blunt.  Or, unfortunately, as true.

There is no blame to be assigned, no Matt Millen effigy’s to burn.  It is simply the end of an era.

And that’s all.

It’s also ironic because Rasheed’s gray swatch of hair finally makes some semblance of sense in the grand scheme of things.  A subtle foreshadowing for some cosmic joke.  The Pistons, our beloved Bad Boys, are now elder statesmen – seemingly out of the blue.  What was inevitable from the beginning is somehow still a surprise at the end.

But it’s hopeful due to recent personnel movements in the Pistons’ organization.  As much as we hated to see him go, in the best case scenario we could only hope to be in a slightly better position at present with Chauncey behind the wheel.

But if Mr. Big Shot had been given the opportunity to stay in Detroit, the Pistons would be doomed to this purgatorial mediocrity for two plus years, instead of the one year promised us by the simultaneous expirations of AI’s and Sheed’s contract-monstrosities.

Is all that really worth an extra year of clutch threes and stuttered-B’s?

So I’m ambivalent, if you couldn’t tell.

But as long as we’re waxing nostalgic about the days of hard-hats and lunch-pails in ‘the D’ (instead of bailouts and “realistic expectations”), this video should prompt a heavy sigh:

There’s no point in arguing, bargaining or blaming.

The Championship window has closed on the Stones.

Am I the only one who feels gypped?

The first pick in the NFL draft is a tough burden for anyone to bear, much less a rookie GM like Mayhew — particularly one whose most relevant experience came under the tutelage of the most despised figure in the history of sports in Detroit, hands-down.

He has not to this point in his career been the bottom-line decision maker for any NFL team.  Given that, we as fans really have no idea what to expect of Mayhew come draft day.  Will his first pick be a QB?  An OT?  A LB?  Or God forbid, a WR?

You can tell a lot about a GM by who he drafts when the eyes of a nation are watching.  Just ask Mayhew’s predecessor and fellow eminemer, Matt Millen.

Millen repeatedly ceded to the ignorant demands of the masses, drafting the most exciting, buzzworthy player regardless of need, suggesting the fragility of his self-concept.

He talked a good game, demonstrated by his celebrated career as a broadcast announcer, but folded under the pressure in crunch time.  Like a small child, he chose the immediate, smaller reward (under-informed fans cheering his savvy on draft day) over the delayed, larger one (a competitive football team and, ultimately, a job as a GM).

More than anything else, Millen wanted you to like him.  Respect him.

Talk about irony.

And now in 2009 Millen’s mysterious protege, Mayhew, is up to the plate.  Whichever collegiate athlete makes the initial trip across the stage at April’s draft, forcing a smile while donning the honolulu blue for the first time, will serve to lift the shroud of secrecy that has hidden Allen Park from Lions’ nation since 0-16 became official.

Here’s what his selection will tell us:

Quarterback:  Mayhew is an Alpha.  He is decisive, and immovable upon having decided.  He is prone to frequent isolationist thoughts, having internalized the ‘me-against-the-world’ mentality at a very young age.  Meyhew selecting a quarterback is a mixed bag for the Lions.  The selection itself can backfire badly (see: Harrington, Joey), but it does suggest that he is willing to make the tough decision, even if it may be unpopular.

Running Back:  Mayhew is a worker-bee.  He is the definition of an employee – someone who is incapable of manning the top position in an organization, but when given direction will work his tail off.  A selection of a running back with the first pick is a very ill omen for the Lions, as it will prove that Mayhew is incompetent in his role.  This is made worse in knowing that WCF Sr. will likely keep him there for a good, long time.

Wide Receiver: Mayhew is an imbecile – a veritable mongoloid who likely has trouble deciding between parking spots.  If Meyhew selects a wideout, the DSR will thereafter be devoted exclusively to the Pistons, and I will wage an internal battle between instinct and willpower whenever holding the remote control on a Sunday.

Offensive Lineman: Mayhew is cerebral.  He approaches football as one would a chess match, and understands the intrinsic value of swapping a bishop for a rook.  He is patient, always thinking a number of moves ahead, and is willing to give ground in the interim in order to sieze what he views as advantageous position in the end.  Mayhew selecting an offensive lineman is bad news for the Lions of 2009, but good news for the Lions of 2010 and beyond.

Defensive Lineman: Mayhew is a student.  He studies the game, particularly recent trends that have made evident the impact of a stud front four.  He is the Pepsi of NFL General Managers, in that he merely follows what has been proven to work, instead of attempting to reinvent the wheel.  A defensive lineman selected with the first overall pick speaks highly of Mayhew’s intelligence and adequacy.  But creativity plays a large role in a team’s success, and this selection demonstrates Mayhew’s lack thereof.

Linebacker: Mayhew is a bully.  He sees the world within a paradigm of win/lose, and does whatever it takes to win.  He is ultra-competitive, and has no qualms on stepping on others to get what he views his just-rewards.  Mayhew selecting a linebacker with the first overall pick can be interpreted as a sign that the days of an underskilled Lions’ club are numbered.  However, his supporting cast must remain ever vigilant, lest a varient of Spygate surface in Detroit.

Defensive Back: Mayhew is a rebel.  He is willing to go against the grain, and conventional wisdom, for what he believes is right.  He understands the history of his position, but respectfully agrees to disagree with what he dubs ‘ghosts of football past’.  While undoubtedly a need for the Lions, a defensive back has never been selected with the first overall pick, and would likely be better filled with their second pick in the first round.  That said, there will never be a dull moment in the Lions’ front office.

Trying to establish any kind of benchmark against which to measure a team that can play as poorly as Detroit did against Houston, and then as well as they did late in the win over Minnesota, is near impossible.

Amid numerous reports addressing a theoretical lack of talent on Detroit’s roster, the Pistons showed a remarkable synergy late in the game in their win over the Timberwolves last night.

Synergy.  Now that’s not a word I’ve heard too often associated with the 2008/2009 Detroit Pistons.  At least not since the Iverson trade.

For a pretty lengthy stretch of games the Pistons had turned into a team of individuals, their offense devolving into a series of one-on-one matchups ending with one guy looking to score and the other four spread outside the three-point line watching.

But in an unexpected flashback to the days of yore, I saw something amazing in the Pistons’ second matchup with the Timberwolves that I hadn’t seen in months — movement off the ball.  And we’re not just talking about Rip, either, but the entire Pistons lineup.

What’s more, they even sprinkled in some unselfish passing.

Though likely nothing more than the proverbial throw of a bone to Dr. Evil, a sight like this becomes particularly timely when taken in context with the article I linked above, in which Pistons’ insider A. Sherrod Blakely cites a lack of Pistons’ talent relative to the Eastern Conference.

Is he on to something?  I think so.

Not so much that Detroit has regressed (many of them absolutely have, but Stuckey and Amir/Maxiell make up for the veterans newly acquired deficiencies, at least regarding pure talent), as the rest of the conference has elevated their collective games while the Pistons remained in a state of willfull ignorance and dormancy.  I think it is particularly difficult to refute Blakely’s argument after looking at the kind of season LBJ is having (the best in NBA history, including Jordan and Wilt, in case you are in a state similar to the Pistons), and remembering that the Cleveland Lebrons are only the second-best team in the East.

However, it is worth mentioning that the 2004 Detroit Pistons were overlooked due to the bombastic talent in LA, among other places.  And we all remember how that turned out.

The guys in ’04 had relatively less talent as well.  But they had that thing — that certain something that more than compensated for their talent-challengedness, it propelled five guys with a common purpose toward greatness.

What’s the word?

Oh yeah – synergy.

Just saying.

This is upsetting, yes, but I can deal with it after 20-odd years of Lions’ fandom.

The really scary thing is that I just caught myself saying, “well, they just changed lineups again, so we may need to give them a couple three more games to get adjusted to their new roles.”

And then I vigorously slapped myself.

There’s a running theory about blogging that asking questions encourages reader participation.  That in mind, consider the following an experiment:

Didn’t we move Rip Hamilton to the bench against his wishes so that we didn’t have to listen to ourselves recite the same tired excuses over and again?

How many games does it take before a team is truly acclimated to playing together, especially when they’ve been playing with one another for months, albeit in moderately different positions?   Why is it that that process must start over from square one every time the lineup is subsequently altered?

Or an even better question: given all of the above, why in the effing hell does Curry keep changing the lineup?

One year removed from their seventh consecutive Eastern Conference Finals appearance, have the Pistons really gotten to the point where not only is a loss expected, but the fans lean toward sympathizing with the players because of the terrible situations they are constantly subjected to by an impotent coaching staff?

There are two rules in sport that ought never be broken:

1. There’s no crying in baseball.
2. Players are not human beings, really, and therefore deserve no empathy if they’re not performing.

I’m not seeing any ready way to wrap up this rant eloquently and concisely.  So I’m going with abruptly instead.